Art and life are irreversibly tied together, as so much of our work is impacted and influenced by what is going on our day to day. In my world, this most notably is seen in how long it takes something to be finished; as a bad day here or there, or something going on so quickly eats up the time that would have been spend painting.
The past two weeks have been quite difficult in terms of finding time to paint. I usually like to have a stretch of 6-8 hours of quiet, unadulterated time to work on things. I can't focus if there is a lot going on, and the work suffers because of it... and so if things get crazy, I normally put the paints away until I can my quiet time again. I don't function well in chaos (which may surprise some of you who have seen my studio)... its actually more of a people-related chaos... I prefer to spend my afternoons alone with my paints and dog-children. When people start getting added into the mix, I tend to become agitated and frustrated very quickly.
This agitation usually comes because of being bothered by 1) my mother, 2) my sister, and 3) other members of my family who need me to do this or that which I can just drop everything and do for them because I am working from the studio (re: I must be available since I don't have a 9-5 job). This has been an ongoing problem since I started working at the studio at my parent's; although it affords me the space to spread out and make messes away from my house, its created a whole different problem of being called upon constantly simply because I am there. The schedule I keep is actually rather strict and I do make deadlines for myself (I have to, or else I'd be fussing over horses till the end of time).. however because my car is in the driveway and I am in and out of the kitchen at my parent's, I make myself a target to take care of things that they don't have time to do because of their "real" jobs. (this annoys me to no end).
What ends up happening is that I let my clients know when their horse will be finished/shipped... and then a day or two later I get pressed into service again and my entire schedule is thrown off. This makes me look quite unprofessional, and I know I need to deal with this, since its long become an epidemic. The problem is that I can't say no. Its so hard for me, since I don't want to let anyone down. And, recently, I feel I can't say no because its been in regards to our real horses and my grandmother, both of which if I wasn't there to take care of, then it wouldn't get done at all.
Part of the problem is that my dad has been away taking care of his brother, who is now in his late 80s. His daughters are not in a position to help sort things out and he and my aunt really need to be in an assisted living place. So, my dad traveled out to Indiana (2 days drive) to try and sort through things. Dad's been gone for 2 weeks now, and while he has been away, I've had to get to my parent's house at 8 am to feed and turn out the horses, clean the stalls, and bring them back in at night. This wouldn't be an issue if my mother AND sister didn't live at the location that I am driving 35 minutes to get to. Its been made a bit more complicated in that my grandmother, who is 93, was hospitalized last week for a very serious bacterial infection. She is home now (she lives at my parents), but all the medications and the infection has left her very weak and so she really requires all-day supervision and help moving around. So, now, along with the barn chores, I am in and out of the kitchen to make her breakfast, tea, lunch, help her around, help her clean up, help her clean the kitchen... there goes my unadulterated day of painting. I don't mind looking after her; I grew up with my grandparents living in the same house and so they raised me as much as my parents did. I am more annoyed that I am bearing the brunt of the responsibilities when there are in fact other people who live in the same house and they can just walk to the barn. I can't seem to get my mother to understand that *I don't live close by* and that its costing a fortune in time and gas money to go back and forth and run all the errands.
This has how it has been for the past 2 weeks, and so I am approximately 2 weeks behind. This translates into about 100 hours behind!!! This is insanely frustrating to me because the show season is FAST approaching and I need to get my own 2 show horses as well as a few customer orders done in time to get qualified for NAN. BLARG!
I do feel better after complaining a bit. Sorry to unload...!!
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3 comments:
I feel for you. If it wouldn't hurt Mama or the horses I would say just don't show up one or 2 days and MAKE your mom and sister help out. But I know you couldn't bear to hurt Mama or the horses and I don't blame you for that.
The kids go back to school next week. I'll come down and help you out. Just think, one day (maybe 2)without having to clean the barn. It will take me easily twice as long as it would take you but you know I don't mind, and I could use the practice :)
I am not usually a complainer; which is why I really hemmed and hawed over posting anything at all. But, I felt like I had to let people know what the hold up was. Bah.
hey Liesl,
Im in the same boat so I know how you feel and it also drives me nuts! this is how I make a living but if my aunt takes one day off.. she figures I can too to work horses or go to the store with her..( I live in a apartment in her barn) and since I live on her property I guess I feel like I cant say no. but i have tried to explain how I have to work so many hours a day and getting up and down all the time is really distracting.. and I cant get any work done this way...her answer is well your here and don't have to go anywhere and you have to take breaks! you have to walk you dogs which she thinks I don't do often enough...what?! I think I have given up. Most of my life I have been an artist and worked at home.. even when I had the magazine ( I was the founder and designer of The Gaited Horse Magazine) I had it in my house and had an actual dedicated office and an employe at my place ( we all worked from home.. there were 3 of us...the editor and the woman who did our subscriptions and stuff..we were all good friends..) but people still figured since i worked for myself I could just stop working and go places or talk or do whatever. they don't get it..its a job and I have to make a living and how can I do that if im never working? It makes you feel like no one thinks what you do is important nor do they take what I do seriously..and they dont.. or they wouldn't drop in or ask you to do things all the time.. in fact I think its disrespect and they are taking advantage of us because we wont say no!. honestly.. it is! so I don't know what to tell ya.. but you did need to get it off your chest.. so maybe try working at home... ? I think Id rent a studio if I had the money! actually id move... but I cant so...good luck.. if you ever do figure out a way to make anyone understand. tell me how! and if you ever want to just talk about it with someone who is in the same boat.. im here.. just email me anytime.
Rebecca Turner
www.solticeartstudio.blogspot.com
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